He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize
