dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
she peed on how many people?
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
