Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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