I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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