I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
