So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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