Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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