this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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