soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
I forget how to act sober
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
