On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
you had me at cake vodka
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
