I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
