Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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