if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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