Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Randomize
