Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
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