i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
