i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Randomize
