did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
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