I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Randomize
