We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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