Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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