That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
