Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
