There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
