she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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