If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
