dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize