I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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