We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
