So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
