mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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