i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Randomize
