im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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