:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
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