There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
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