I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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