My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
