i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Randomize
