he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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