she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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