Cold hands, warm shart.
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
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