guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Randomize
