my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
