Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
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