Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Success! We fucked roommates!
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
