I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
