I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
