dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
