He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize
