Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
