My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
