Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
